took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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