She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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