I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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