I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
