we have pet lesbian snakes
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
