May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
whose parrot is this?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
