Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
