This is not my ceiling
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
