I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
