Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
