I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
