hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
