come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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