i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just google imaged poop.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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