You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sext me about skeletons
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
