would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Non-Jews are for practice
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't deserve a penis
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
