After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
