My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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