i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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