Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
