last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
