the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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