Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
