I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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