what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
