Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
