her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
