Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
