About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
