yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
