i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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