i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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