tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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