i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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