After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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