Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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