i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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