GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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