you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
