Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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