I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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