Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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