Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
thus making me awesome and them whores
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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