I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
