hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
