Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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