This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
where are you?
Hypothermia
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
