i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
