I smell stomach acid.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
