i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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