i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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