It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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