the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
