My nipple is on Facebook.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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