quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
