I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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