Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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