so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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