And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
