last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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