u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
