Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
